


Chasing Stars

by nailsntacks



Category: Gerard Way and the Hormones, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Gerard Way Dad, Gerard Way Daughter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-18 09:56:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10614528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nailsntacks/pseuds/nailsntacks
Summary: After losing her mother in a tragic car accident, Rylynn is forced to move across the country to live with her long lost father, Gerard Way. Rylynn quickly finds herself in between the person she once was and the person she wants to be.





	1. She Was My World

Rylynn Marie, that's my name. The last name, well let's just say I've always questioned as to what it actually is. My mother said it was Way, that my father was a famous singer who abandoned us. Well not really abandoned, more like didn't know about me and broke up with my mother when they were kids. I had a hard time finding that to be true. My mother moved away after she found out about me and decided to never attempt to tell him. That is until she put him as my guardian, if she was to die. Funny thing is, she thought it wouldn't happen while I was a minor. Truth is, it did.

I moved to California last month. I've meet him, Gerard Way and his overly happy family. They are nice, but not my type of people. I don't really talk to any of them that much. I talked to him enough to make sure he won't send me to a shrink. I don't say anything about my mother or how she died. I know it bugs him that I'm not that open about it. But how can I be, she was my world.

"Rylynn, it's time for dinner," Lindsey said through my door after knocking. I set my picture of my mother back into my dresser drawer and grabbed my sweatshirt. Walking downstairs, I could hear Bandit laughing along with Gerard. I gave a half smile as I walked into the room and sat down.

"So Rylynn, are you ready for tomorrow?" Gerard asked me as we began to eat. He had enrolled me into a high school not far away. Apparently loosing a parent doesn't warrant skipping a year. This of course did stop me from trying to get out of it. In the end they won and I was enrolled in to what presumed to be a preppy school.

"Yeah," I muttered as I played with my food. I could feel him eyeing me. "Is there something else?" I inquired.

"Well," he said rubbing the back of his neck.

"The school wants you to meet with the counselor before class," Lindsey finally said since Gerard hadn't. I looked at her and then at him. The fact is I didn't need to see a counselor, i was fine, sad but fine.

"What do they want to see me for?" I asked reluctantly.

"Rylynn they want to just make sure everything is alright. They know you've had a tough month." Gerard tried to explain. A tough month, wow is that really what he thinks. Yes, that is exactly how I would describe it 'A tough month.' I lost my mother and moved in with strangers. I'm pretty sure that qualifies as more that just 'A tough month.'

"I'm fine," I exclaimed.

"We know that but it is still a lot," he rubbed his neck again. I took a drink of water and set my fork down. This was clearly one of those topics the adults where not going to listen to me on. So I did the next best thing, escape.

"I'm not that hungry." I got up and walked out of the room and back upstairs. I walked over to my dresser and pulled out a picture of my mother. I traced the outline of her face. I missed her so much. I heard a knock on my door and quickly shoved the photo back in the drawer. I opened the door part way to find Gerard standing there with my plate I had left downstairs.

"Not hungry," I said very plainly. He sighed and looked me up and down.

"Rylynn, I know you don't want to go to the counselor. I understand that, but look at it from an outside perspective," he began. I could tell this was leading to a lecture.

"Arhhh," I groaned and turned to walk to my bed pushing the door the rest of the way open. He got the hint that it was okay to come in the room. He set the food on my nightstand and sat next to me on my bed.

"We're just worried and so is the school. Both of them. Your old one and new one. You not eating is also not good," He said looking at the plate on the nightstand. Frustrated, I groaned and fell backwards on the bed.

"I swear I am fine, Gerard. You don't have to worry."

"Okay kiddo," he said patting my leg. "I think we're going to watch a movie downstairs, if you want to join."

"No, I'm alright. I think I'll just read up here." With that Gerard got up and walked to the door. I sat up to see that he hadn't completely left, in fact he was leaning against the door frame looking at me. "What's up?" I asked.

He shock his head, "Nothing. You know you are welcome, right?" I could see the worry in his eyes, making my stomach turn with guilt.

"Yes Gerard, I know."

_"Mom, come on, I already told you I wont get in any trouble if you let me go," I pleaded my case to my mother to let me go compete in a summer concert series._

_"Ry it's not that I think you're going to get in trouble. In fact it's the opposite, I think you're going to get a complex and then some agency is going to come get you. Please sit back and put your seatbelt on," she said kicking up the whipper speed._

_"I'm not like him. I'm not going to be like him."_

_"Ry put your damn seatbelt on, now." I obeyed. "Listen it's not that your father was a bad person. I just don't want you to be taken advantage of."_

_"Right because I'm such a delicate fucking flower."_

I inhaled hard as I opened my eyes. I turned to see Gerard walking into the room. I turned on my side, blinking and causing my book to fall to the ground.

"Hey, did I wake you?" Gerard asked in a clam quiet manner. He walked over and crouched down beside me. He picked up my book and placed it on the nightstand.

"Yeah, I think so, I'm not quite sure," I sighed "I'm just so tired."

"Okay, you want me to grab some pajama's for you?" he asked stroking my hair. I just blinked deeply. He stood up and walked to my dresser returning a moment later with some pajama pants. I sighed and sat up. He handed me the pants and shirt.

"Thanks," I said nearly above a whisper. He grabbed the plate and cup from my nightstand and left the room. I changed and slid into the covers. I few moment later Gerard came back into the room.

"Did you set your alarm? We have to leave here at seven fifteen," he said sitting next to me. I reached over and set the alarm. "You might wanna take your sweatshirt off, it's kinda warm up here." I shrugged. "Okay, goodnight."

"Night," I muttered. Praying that sleep out find me.


	2. What Could Happen

I woke up and took a shower and got ready for school. A new school. A fresh start, or so i've been told by all of my friends in New Jersey. This didn't feel like a fresh start. it didn't feel like anything other than another day.

"Hey do you want breakfast first?" Gerard asked looking at me putting my shoes on. I looked at him like he was crazy.

"No," I said very simply, tying my last shoe and throwing a jacket on. He smiled and pored his coffee into a travel mug and slipped his shoes on. I throw my backpack on and walked toward the door. Lindsey hollered my name as my hand hit the door.

"I wasn't sure if you liked packed lunches or hot lunch," she said holding out a brown paper bag in one hand and money in the other. I looked at Gerard and then at Lindsey. I realized how much they were trying with me. I mean their first child is still only seven. This was just as much uncharted territory to them as it was to me. I took a deep breath and smiled, I hated being cordial in the morning.

"Hot normally, but since you went through the trouble I'll take a packed."

"Oh," Lindsey said as I grabbed the brown paper bag out of her hand. "Take both," she said with a smile. "You might not like the packed and well, maybe they have a sweet you'll like." I nodded and grabbed the money shoving it into my pocket.

"Thanks, both of you and please stop freaking out. I'm fine, I'll be fine. It's just school, what on earth could happen?"

"So Rylynn did you already get your class schedule?" The counselor Ms. Watts asked. She was a plump women, very grumpy looking. I had just sat down across from her and this is what she asks. I already knew the conversation was going to be a negative one. You know that feeling you get when there will be no good outcome from what is about to transpire. Yeah that was the one I had.

"Yes, aaah I did right before I came here." I was nervously holding the paper.

"So tell me about your old school," she asked looking up from her clip board. She folded her hands on the desk and looking at me for an answer.

"Well it was bigger then this and a public school. No uniforms," I chuckled at my crapy joke.

"Oh you don't like them?" She wrote on the clipboard yet again.

"No I didn't mean that, it's just different," I corrected.

"I see, well we feel it keeps kids minds more on the studies," she attempted to explain.

"Okay," I muttered only to kill the silence.

"I see you had extra curricular at your old school you participated in." Her voice came with an underlining meaning that I just couldn't place.

"Yes, a few," I rubbed the back of my neck feeling venerable. I couldn't stand being asked question about myself.

"Well I'm sorry to say we do not have dance here. We do however have a choir. If you are interested I can give you the name and room number of our director."

"No thank you," I said very simply with a smile.

"Is that because your mother used to be involved in the choir." With that my smile faded.

"No," I said after a moment, "It's because I didn't really enjoy it."

"But you got the highest marks." I gauged Ms. Watt's, irritation in my vainness. I hated being pushed, I preferred to do things in my own time.

"And I don't enjoy it, I did it because the school that I went to isn't rated high. Doing choir was good for my college applications." She looked at me in a disbelieving way. "Is there something you are trying to employ?" I accused.

"Should I be." Yup typical counselor, I shock my head and walked out of the room, slamming the door. Gerard jumped up from the seat he was sitting in. I heard the door to Ms. Watts' office open. I stopped when I neared Gerard and turned around.

"What now?" I said with a bitchy head turn.

"Rylynn," Gerard said in a correcting manner.

"Mr. Way I apologize I think I crossed her comfort zone. I did bring up your mother," she said with the last part directed at me.

"No you implied that I was dropping a dumb school club because my mother died. Yes she died. It sucks. But either way I hated choir." I felt Gerard put his hand on my arm.

"Rylynn why don't you just sit in the seats and I'll be back in a minute." I rolled my eyes and walked to the seats. Gerard went into the office with Ms. Watts. I pulled out my iPod and began listening to it. About ten minutes later a boy sat down next to me. He tapped my shoulder and I pulled my earbud out. I gave him a smile.

"Got a smoke?" He asked. He had shaggy brown hair with light brown eyes. He was waring an Iron Madden patch on his jacket that I suspected was against the "code". I looked at the office and then at him.

"No, Just moved in with my father so I have had no access to getting any yet." I slightly lied. Truth was I didn't really smoke.

"That's a bummer, I'm Jeremy."

"Rylynn."

"Got your schedule yet?" I nodded handing it to him.

"We have math together and the same lunch. For Mr. Pierson, sit in the back and if you fall asleep he wont do anything about it."

"Thanks," I smiled and grabbed it back from him. "So what are you here for?"

"Oh I got in an argument with one of the hall monitors so now they want to interrogate me. You?"

"They think I'm crazy," I laughed.

"Are you. I mean can I trust you?" he asked with a smile giving m a skeptical look.

"Crazy as they come." We both laughed as Gerard came out of the office.

"Mr. Simmons, here again are we," Ms. Watts said irritated.

"No I'm in Paris." I chuckled. Gerard looked between me and Jeremy.

"Ms. Way, you should probably steer clear of Mr. Simmons. He's not a good influence," Ms. Watts said with her hands on her hips.

"That's funny, we were just talking about how we should go rob a liquor store together. Man what was I thinking," I said shacking my head and stood up. Jeremy was smiling at me. "Good luck with the interrogation."

"Yeah good luck with the brain," with that Gerard escorted me to the hall and Jeremy went into Ms. Watts office.

"I don't know if you should be hanging out with that kid. If he's trouble," Gerard said shacking his head.

"Already hatting people who could be my friend?" he opened his mouth to correct himself but I stopped him. "Gerard I appreciate you being concerned but I'm not a bad judge in character you should trust me. I've made it this far. Besides no matter what you say that lady was crazy." He sighed and looked at me.

"Okay, just please be careful and I'll pick you up at three okay?" I nodded.

"Don't get all sappy and no hugging," I said as I turned to walk off to find my first class.


	3. You Can Say It

When I walked into my math class I saw Jeremy in the back corner. I normally sat up front but he waved me back. I followed and sat next to him.

"So you lived," I said to him looking at him through the corner of my eye.

"Yeah I did," he said with a big smile on his face, "and I see you haven't killed anyone yet so that's a good sign."

"Days not over," I muttered watching some kids walk in holding an MCR folder. I rolled my eyes.

"Not a fan of the band?" Jeremy automatically said. He must have caught what I witnessed.

"Nope."

"So are you his daughter?" I turned and looked at him.

"You know who he was." I looked down at the notebook on my desk. I really hadn't figured out how to explain to anyone, let alone a new person in my life, who Gerard really was.

"Don't worry I won't say anything." I turned to him.

"Thanks, it means a lot."

"Well I have to keep you on my good side otherwise," he drug a figure across his throat making me laugh. The teacher called the class to order and I half listened. After class Jeremy and I had lunch. I walked through the line for breadsticks and coffee and called that good enough.

"Rylynn this is Devon, Sarah, Shelby and Matt. Guys this is Rylynn." I waved and sat down on the grass next to Jeremy.

"So Rylynn where did you move here from," Sarah inquired.

"How did you know moved here?" I asked setting my coffee down.

"Your accent," they all laughed. I guess I never considered the way I spoke to be an accent but then again I could certainly tell they weren't from Jersey.

"Oh," I smiled, "New Jersey."

"Wow you guys get a bunch of snow there don't you," Devon asked.

"Yeah I guess you could say that." We sat there for a while just chatting about random stuff. Jeremy nodded toward me handing me a cigarette. I smiled and took it. He lit it for me. It was nice. I was starting to feel like any other kid with no dead mother and an estranged father.

After my last class, I stopped back by my locker and grabbed my stuff. Closing it, I saw Jeremy on the other side leaning up against the lockers.

"So, do you ride a bus to the rich neighborhood?" he asked with a cocky smile. I laughed shacking my head.

"No Gerard's picking me up."

"Good, I'm walking that way," he said shutting my locker for me. I walked next to him through the not so crowded hallways.

"So do you drive or something?" I asked fixing the zipper on my hood.

"Yeah, I have a old Dodge, piece of crap really but hey it runs."

"That's nice, I failed my drivers ED so I don't even have a permit."

"How'd you manage that one?" he asked with a smile.

"I missed to many classes," I said simply. Truth is my mom died in the middle of it so I couldn't finish. Exiting the building I saw Gerard's car waiting eagerly.

"Well I guess I'm off," I said, sighing.

"Hey," Jeremy said grabbing my arm gently before I could get to close to Gerard's car. "I'll see you tomorrow and uh, thanks for being nice, most new comers avoid me like the plague." I smiled at him before walking to the car.

I opened the door and then shouted back to Jeremy, "Plagues are to weed out the weak." He smiled and walked across the street and I got in the car.

"So, he's your friend?" Gerard said instantly.

I climbed into the car and rolled my eyes. "Don't judge a book by it's cover."

"I'm not I was just wondering," Gerard said defensively.

"He's a nice kid, we have a couple of classes together, alright?"

"Okay, what's his name," he asked in a curious way. I looked at him, judging whether I should even answer that. I didn't need him reading into things.

"Jeremy," I answered readjusting where my backpack was sitting. Gerard looked over at me studying my expression, I just stared out the window.

"You should put your seatbelt on," he said looking back at the road. I ignored him. "Rylynn put your seatbelt on please."

"No thanks," I muttered. My head was beginning to throb. I laid it on the cold window to help but had no relief.

"That wasn't me asking permission. Put your seatbelt on." I turned and looked at him. He hadn't demanded me to do anything the past month and now he wants to about a seatbelt. I didn't know why I was so adamant on not putting it on. I normally wear them.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because if we get in an…" he stopped his sentence and pulled into a parking lot. He was going to say accident. I knew he wanted to but he was worried about how I would react. I just looked out of the window. Gerard parked the car and turned the engine off. "Do you want to talk about her?" he asked unbuckling his seatbelt and turning toward me.

"No," I said simply. "You can say it you know. I'm not crazy. I'm not going to loss my mind if you say accident." Gerard rubbed the back of his neck in response to my sudden outburst.

"Rylynn is that why you don't want to put it on, because of your mom." I looked at him.

"No, it has nothing to do with her. Can we please not do this," I asked putting the seatbelt on. I would wear it if he would just stop talking about my mom. He didn't believe me I knew he didn't. "Gerard, I don't remember anything that happened, is that what you fucking want to hear," I was getting mad. I couldn't calm myself down.

"Rylynn," he scolded. I blushed, he never took that tone with me. I made my mom mad all the time but that was different, I alway did it. Gerard on the other hand didn't. This past month he gave me space and let me just be. I had only heard voices of concern and compassion. I swallowed hard and looked down at my shoes. Gerard dropped the subject and put his seatbelt on, starting the engine.

"If you want to talk, I am here," he said looking at me one final time. I still just looked at my shoes. "So is Lindsey." We didn't talk the rest of the drive home.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guilt

When we got home I went up to my room and pulled out my homework. I was doing algebra when Gerard knocked on the door.

"Come in," I muttered not looking up from my homework.

"I was thinking you and I could go out for dinner tonight."

"Well I'm doing math right now," I muttered once again not looking at him.

"That's fine, we can go after." He was leaning on the door frame. I sighed and set my pencil down. He clearly wanted my attention.

"What is wrong?" I asked looking at him finally. He looked at me confused.

"Nothing, why?" he asked nonchalantly.

"You're being weird."

"How?"

"You're wanting to talk, that's how." I was irritated at him, at the world, at the fact that this math was boring me.

"Rylynn, what is so wrong with me wanting to spend time with you." I decided not to answer that. I rolled my eyes and picked up my pencil again.

"I have two more problems and then I'll be down," I stated knowing there was no way to get out of it.

I finished my math and slide my notebook back into my backpack. I wasn't excited about this outing but I knew I needed to get it over with. I knew that this was eventually going to happen but I really didn't want to get to friendly with him. Part of me still resented him.

"So what are you hungry for?" Gerard asked as we got into the car.

"I'm not really that hungry," I said pulling my sweatshirt closer to me.

"Well tonight that isn't an option."

"What did that shrink lady do to you?" I asked with a groan.

"What," he asked raising an eyebrow.

"Ms. crazy lady at the school," I said flinging my hand in the air.

"Nothing, I just think you need to eat. I would rather you not whither away into nothingness," he said with a smirk. I glared slightly. "Should she have told me something?"

"Nope except that it's my right as a teenager to whither away into nothingness."

"Okay sure. Seriously, what is your favorite food?" I shrugged. "Okay if you could have anything in the entire world what would it be?" I gave in and thought about it.

"Liquor and cocaine?" I said as a question that caught him off guard. "It's a joke Gerard. Don't worry. Umm I guess I would say sushi and Japanese Tea."

"I can do sushi. As for your joke, don't be a comedian for your career," he said with a smirk.

"Oh look we are finally getting along. Mom is probably rolling over in her grave." His smile faded and guilt began to hit me but only slightly. I was the one who had to live without him for 15 years.

"I never knew…" he began to say as we turned onto the highway. I put my hand up.

"She told me that you never knew. She said you weren't ready to have a kid and the two of you just never got along. She always told me that it wasn't your fault that you weren't around."

"Oh," he said and exited the highway. "For the record, had I known I would have done everything possible to be apart of your life. I never wanted to miss out on your childhood."

"Of course you also can only say that now." After I said this, I realized I really just needed to stop talking. Gerard was silent as we pulled into a parking spot and turned the car off.

"You think had I known back then I wouldn't have been apart of your life." I looked at him for a moment contemplating my answer. "Don't answer that," he said after a moment, "let's go in."

After we ordered, Gerard looked at me, then asked, "So how was school?" I shrugged. "Any classes you like so far?" Once again I shrugged. "Rylynn I'm trying to get to know you better." I sighed and leaned my chair back to balance on the end legs. I looked him up and down.

"You know I have rather enjoyed this past month."

"What sitting in your room, looking at pictures of your mom?" My face went to shock and then I blushed. How did he know? That was supposed to be my secrete. "Rylynn, it's okay to miss her."

"I really don't want to talk about this." Our food arrived and I began to eat.

"Rylynn, she's your mom your eventually going to have to talk about it," he pointed out.

"No Gerard," I said setting my chopsticks down, "she was my mom. Now she is rotting in a grave." He took a drink of his water and sighed.

"Okay fine, don't talk about her. Tell me about you." I groaned.

"Fine!" I said louder than I should have as I leaned my chair back to the ground, he raised his eyebrows at me. "Sorry," I muttered.

"Just try to be a bit calmer."

"That's just it, I'm not calm. I am anything but calm."

"Well you get that from your mom," he said with a smile. I wasn't sure what that meant, so I didn't question it.

"She says…. said I got it from you," I said looking up at him. He smiled at the thought, then shook his head.

"No, you're better than me. Don't ever compare yourself to me," he said looking down and continued to eat.

"Why can't I be like you?" I asked not liking the fact that he wanted me to be nothing like him. He was my father after all.

"Is it so wrong to want more than that for you?" I laughed. This caused Gerard to give me a sideways look. I took a drink of my water and then pushed my plate away.

"You just really have no idea. It's nothing, I promise just an inside joke."

"Look at that," he said with a smile as he set his napkin on the table.

"Umm?" I inquired.

"You finally ate something." I looked down at my plate to see it completely empty. I smirked but somewhere deep down guilt about being able to live on while my world was buried in the ground struck me hard.


	5. Memories

The next few days passed without anything really happening. Jeremy was able to get me some smokes since I was under constant surveillance. It was Friday night and I was sitting on the roof outside my bedroom window taking the last drag off the cigarette Jeremy gave me. I didn't smoke back in New Jersey, not really anyway but it seemed like something to try again. What's the worst thing that could happen? I'd die?

I flicked the butt on the ground and climbed back inside. I sat there leaning out of the window, breathing in the hot California air. Deep in the back of my mind memories were stirring that I didn't want to remember. So vague that I couldn't even describe what the memories were about but I can feel the emotions. The emotion of wanting to run. I heard a knock on the bedroom door but did not respond. I inhaled closing my eyes and wishing this feeling that was now rooting my stomach deeper than normal would pass. I heard the creek of the door opening.

_"Why does it matter who I become?"_

_"Because I want more for you Ry so much more than this."_

_"Mom, come on, I already told you I wont get in any trouble if you let me go."_

I inhaled deeply and quickly as I felt a hand touch my back. I turned to see Lindsay standing next to me.

"Are you alright?" She asked with nothing but concern in her voice. I looked at her for a moment almost feeling like I was looking at my mother. I nodded.

"Yeah, I just felt… like I needed air." I pushed my hair out of my face.

"It's 50 degrees out, you should really shut the window. You might get sick."

"I'm used to cold temperatures," I replied pulling myself to reality. It was Lindsay looking at me not my mother, my mother was dead. Rotting in a grave, I exhaled slowly realizing that she was burring through my memory.

"Should I grab Gerard? You don't look well," Lindsay said grabbing my elbow gently. My mothers voice, I couldn't remember what she said but I recognized it. Before I could answer I heard Lindsey yell Gerard's name. He appeared before I could do anything. He turned me away from the window.

"I'm fine," I quickly said realizing I wasn't responding.

"Rylynn are you sure?" I nodded.

"My head just hurt, a migraine, I'm fine now. The air was just helping." Lindsay and Gerard just looked at me. I did the only thing I could think of. "It's you know, that time," I said looking at Lindsay. Gerard looked taken aback, Lindsay just nodded.

"Do you want something for it?" She asked and Gerard stood there awkwardly.

"Yeah that would be great." She ushered me forward and took me to their bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. I accepted the aspirin she handed me. I sat down on the edge of the tube and took them.

"Do you want me to take you to the store?" Lindsay asked leaning against the counter.

"No I'm fine, thanks," I said swallowing the aspirin.

"Okay, well let me know if you do." I gave a half smile. I knew she was trying. She looked me up and down and turned to leave. I followed but stopped a moment latter when I passed the counter seeing that there was Midol on the counter.

"You know," I said looking back up at her.

"Yeah I know, if you actually were I would have given you that. I don't know what's going on with you but if you don't want to talk then that is alright."

I watched as she walked downstairs and I heard a movie begin. I turned and walked into my room, I closed the door before I lost all control. I felt a tear try to fall and I collapsed onto the bed. I pulled my feet close to me and just sobbed. Eventually darkest consumed me. My eyes slowly began to open as I felt blankets being pulled up around me. Lindsay was standing above me. I felt her hand stroke my hair.

_"I'm not like him. I'm not going to be like him."_

I inhaled deeply and looked at her. "Shh," she cooed me. My eyes began to feel heavy.

_"Ry put your damn seatbelt on, now."_

"Why?" I heard myself mutter.

"Shh," Lindsay cooed again as I opened my eyes and just starred at her.

"Don't tell him," I said looked her dead in the eyes.

"Tell him what?" she asked continuing to stroke my hair.

"Don't tell him about the seatbelt," I muttered as my eyes fell shut again.


	6. I'm Not Stressed

I awoke to the smell of pancakes and bacon. I smiled slightly. I through on some clothes and walked downstairs.

"Mom, I thought you had to work," I said before I could stop myself. But as I turned the corner I saw Lindsay, Gerard, Bandit, Mikey, and Kristin. Gerard stopped mid coffee drink as Lindsay turned and looked at me questioningly. My heart felt like it was ripped out. I took a step back but before I could get far I saw Gerard stand up. My mom was dead, I was remembering the last morning before she died. I looked around for a moment as I felt Gerard's arms wrap around me.

"No I'm fine," I said pushing against him.

"No you aren't but that's okay," he said not allowing me to push him away. I looked at Lindsay over his shoulder. I finally managed to pull myself back together. I pushed him away finally, keeping my eyes on Lindsay.

"She makes… made. She made this on Saturday mornings, that's all. I just, I'm still tired. I'm fine," I said for myself to hear more so than anyone else. Lindsay nodded.

"It's probably your hormones," Lindsay said, "Gerard, she's alright, let the girl have some orange juice." I gave her a half smile. She knew that wasn't what was going on but she gave me this, this moment. I sat down at the table. Lindsay brought me some water and aspirin, which I quickly took. Half way through breakfast I looked at my phone to see my friend Derek called me three times. I excused myself to the patio. I called him back.

"Hey, I was hopping you weren't avoiding me."

"Well you know," I said with a smile.

"How are things?"

"Good, great, school sucks but I've made some friends. How's the band?"

"Ry…" he said in a 'I don't believe you' way.

"Don't call me that." I heard the door open quietly knowing that someone was listening.

"Sorry, Rylynn be straight with me."

"Things are fine Der, I just keep getting these headaches from the weather. Now please distract me from California and tell me what's happening in Jersey." he chuckled.

"The band is fine, I'm flunking out of Math and my mom is freaking. Oh and she wants to send you food."

"Of course you're failing math, I'm not there for you to cheat off." I finally turned to see Gerard and Mikey standing there. "One second Der," I said pulling the phone away from my face. "Yes?" I said to both of them.

"Putt putt?" Mikey said while Gerard gave a half smile.

"Fine but can I talk for 15 more minutes?" They nodded. I waited until they left.

"Sorry I'm back."

"They're worried," Derek said.

"I know everyone is, and they can get over it."

"Rylynn, we're worried that you're not alright. You broke your guitar, you ripped up your paintings and cut all your hair. What else are we supposed to do?"

"You have 10 minutes, is this really what you want to talk about."

"Fine but one more thing, your friend that you've made there, what's his name, Jeremy right?"

"Yeah."

"Talk to him, just talk to someone please."

The rest of the conversation was about our mutual friends back home. It was nice to just hear his voice. It helped to root me back to reality. I got dressed and returned to see everyone ready to go to putt putt. It was lame but I indulged them. I did get a good laugh at Kristin trying to get around the hippo. We were turning out clubs back in when I saw Jeremy standing in the arcade. I handed my club to Gerard and walked over to him.

"Well if it isn't the crazy girl," he said setting his coke down.

"What are you doing here, not really the place for criminals," I said leaning against the pinball machine.

"Rylynn, come on let's go get sushi," Mikey shouted toward me.

"One sec."

"Sushi?" Jeremy said.

"They think it's the only thing I'll eat," I said in a dry voice.

"And why is that? Is your crazy brain telling you bones are cooler than flesh?" My smile faded. He looked at me for a moment. "Text me your address, I'll pick you up at midnight?"

Every instinct in my body was saying don't do it but for some reason I wanted to. I took the paper out of his hands. "You know he would kill me right?" I asked referring to Gerard.

"I know but something tells me, you don't care." I smiled and turned to leave. When I got in the car pulled my phone out.

'So what should I expect'

'Well I'd wear walking shoes'

'670 Burer Ave'

'See you tonight' With that I put my phone away.

"So Rylynn, it sounds like you like Math?" Mikey said as we were seated in a chinese restaurant.

"No I hate it, I'm just good at it," I said blankly, looking at the menu.

"You're Mom was too." When he said that I almost spit out my water. He never talked about my mother, at least not to me. I took a deep breathe to calm myself.

"Can we not do this?" I asked rubbing my head. My headache was coming back.

"Rylynn, how long have you getting these headaches?" Gerard asked in a worried manner.

"It's nothing." They all exchanged looks.

"God what now?" I asked putting the menu down and taking another drink of water.

"Nothing, I just think we might want to take you to the doctor."

Taking a deep breath I said, "Gerard, no offense but I don't think you know me well enough to just decide medical decision for me or keep them from me. So why don't you just tell me what's going on in your head?" I realized after I said it how much attitude I put into it. I was annoyed, he hadn't been there my entire life he had no idea of my medical history. Gerard looked at me for a moment with a slight glare.

"I know you're upset and stressed," he began.

"I'm not stressed," I interrupted.

"but there is no reason to take that attitude with me. If you want me to be straight with you than fine." He began to rub the back of his neck which I had come to learn it was a sign of nerves. "I'm worried, especially after this mornings events that the headaches have to do..with..the.. um."

"Accident, you can say accident."

"I'm worried it might be related to your temporary memory loss."

"We all are," Lindsay said placing her hand over mine that was on the table. I looked at her for a moment, she truly was a beautiful women. I then looked at Gerard, who still had worry all over his face.

"Whatever," I said pulling my hand away and becoming interested in the menu. Luckily the waitress came over and took our order before the tension became to much. The rest of dinner went pretty much like that. Awkward and alloying and full of talking about art and comics.


End file.
